Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
