i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
