When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
