my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
