It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
