im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You may now shotgun with the bride
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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