I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
