susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize