the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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