Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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