I got chris browned last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
