We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
