I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
