It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
