Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize