I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
