I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize