He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just high enough for therapy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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