if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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