At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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