i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize