I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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