When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
