So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
