You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
