Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
