I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
