I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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