I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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