what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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