I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
