Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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