Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
