I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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