The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is Oprah even human
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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