Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize