walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did i walk over a car last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
