his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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