No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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