You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
