..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
