just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
