i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
FUCK WHALES
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
