it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
