I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
