I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
