Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
