Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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