Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
