i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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