Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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