I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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