I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize