Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
