the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
