sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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