I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
