Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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