I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
