I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My bed smells like the plague
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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