he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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