I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
