she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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