Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
