either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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