my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
