god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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