My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
