My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
