Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize