It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
