Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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