thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
